Tag Archives: humour

Friday Poem: Bloody Men

Bloody men are like bloody buses
You wait for about a year
And as soon as one approaches your stop
Two or three others appear.
You look at them flashing their indicators,
Offering you a ride.
You’re trying to read the destinations,
You haven’t much time to decide.
If you make a mistake, there is no turning back.
Jump off, and you’ll stand there and gaze
While the cars and the taxis and lorries go by
And the minutes, the hours, the days.

by Wendy Cope (a great living English poet!)

Friday Poem: Come On In, The Senility Is Fine

People live forever in Jacksonville and St. Petersburg and Tampa,
But you don’t have to live forever to become a grampa.
The entrance requirements for grampahood are comparatively mild,
You only have to live until your child has a child.
From that point on you start looking both ways over your shoulder,
Because sometimes you feel thirty years younger and sometimes
thirty years older.
Now you begin to realize who it was that reached the height of
imbecility,
It was whoever said that grandparents have all the fun and none of
the responsibility.
This is the most enticing spiderwebs of a tarradiddle ever spun,
Because everybody would love to have a baby around who was no
responsibility and lots of fun,
But I can think of no one but a mooncalf or a gaby
Who would trust their own child to raise a baby.
So you have to personally superintend your grandchild from diapers
to pants and from bottle to spoon,
Because you know that your own child hasn’t sense enough to come
in out of a typhoon.
You don’t have to live forever to become a grampa, but if you do
want to live forever,
Don’t try to be clever;
If you wish to reach the end of the trail with an uncut throat,
Don’t go around saying Quote I don’t mind being a grampa but I
hate being married to a gramma Unquote.

A surprisingly long poem by the great Ogden Nash.

Poetry on the internet

Many of us share poetry on the internet, either our own or others. Did you know that there is an internet standard regarding poetry? I’ve included it below, although you may be somewhat suspicious once you spot the publication date. Please forgive me if its all Greek to you. I happen to speak this sort of thing!

This is a genuine RFC. But for some reason of other, it’s not, to my knowledge been used……

Note for the non geek: A Request for Comments (RFC) is a formal document from the Internet Engineering Task Force ( IETF ) that is the result of committee drafting and subsequent review by interested parties. Some RFCs are informational in nature. Of those that are intended to become Internet standards, the final version of the RFC becomes the standard and no further comments or changes are permitted. Change can occur, however, through subsequent RFCs that supersede or elaborate on all or parts of previous RFCs.

————————————————————————–

Network Working Group                                                              W. Shakespeare
Request for Comments: 1605                                                     Globe Communications
Category: Informational                                                              1 April 1994

SONET to Sonnet Translation

Status of this Memo

This memo provides information for the Internet community. This memo
does not specify an Internet standard of any kind. Distribution of
this memo is unlimited.

Abstract

Because Synchronous Optical Network (SONET) transmits data in frames
of bytes, it is fairly easy to envision ways to compress SONET frames
to yield higher bandwidth over a given fiber optic link. This memo
describes a particular method, SONET Over Novel English Translation
(SONNET).

Protocol Overview

In brief, SONNET is a method for compressing 810-byte (9 lines by 90
bytes) SONET OC-1 frames into approximately 400-byte (fourteen line
decasyllabic) English sonnets. This compression scheme yields a
roughly 50% average compression, and thus SONNET compression speeds
are designated OCh-#, where ‘h’ indicates 50% (one half) compression
and the # is the speed of the uncompressed link. The acronym is
pronounced “owch.”

Mapping of the 2**704 possible SONET payloads is achieved by matching
each possible payload pattern with its equivalent Cerf catalog number
(see [1], which lists a vast number of sonnets in English, many of
which are truly terrible but suffice for the purposes of this memo).

Basic Transmission Rules

The basic transmission rules are quite simple. The basic SONET OC-1
frame is replaced with the corresponding sonnet at the transmission
end converted back from the sonnet to SONET at the receiving end.
Thus, for example, SONET frame 12 is transmitted as:

When do I count the clock that tells the time
And see the brave day sunk in hideous night;
When I behold the violet past prime,
And sable curls,…

For rates higher than OC-1, the OC-1 frames may either come
interleaved or concatenated into larger frames. Under SONNET
conversion rules, interleaved frames have their corresponding sonnet
representations interleaved. Thus SONET frames 33, 29 and 138 in an
OC-3 frame would be converted to the sequence:

Full many a glorious morning have I seen
When, in disgrace with fortune and men’s eyes,
When my loves swears that she is made of truth
Flatter the mountain-tops with sovereign eye
I all alone beweep my outcast state,
I do believe her, though I know she lies
Kissing with golden face…

while in an OC-3c frame, the individual OC-1 frames concatenated, one
after another, viz.:

Full many a glorious morning have I seen Flatter the mountain-
tops with sovereign eye Kissing with golden face…

When, in disgrace with fortune and men’s eyes, I all alone
beweep my outcast state,…

When my loves swears that she is made of truth I do believe her,
though I know she lies…

(This example, perhaps, makes clear why data communications experts
consider concatenated SONET more efficient and esthetically
pleasing).

Timing Issues

It is critical in this translation scheme to maintain consistent
timing within a frame. If SONET frames or converted sonnets shift in
time, the SONET pointers, or worse, poetic meter, may suffer.

References

[1] Cerf, B., “A Catalog of All Published English Sonnets to 1950”,
Random House, 1953. (Now out of print.)

Security Considerations

Security issues are not discussed in this memo.

Author’s Address

William Shakespeare
Globe Communications
London, United Kingdom

Any suggestions that this, or any other work by this author, might
be the work of a third party such as C. Marlow, R. Bacon, or
C. Partridge or based on a previously developed theme by
P.V. Mockapetris are completely spurious.

Intentionally blank

The middle ground of politics
A whitewashed wall
My desk on a Friday
Those who make fools of us all

A child’s face when sleeping
My days when concussed
The first page in the notebook
The teenager who cannot be fussed

Long roads on the prairie
The black deep of space
Drowsy afternoons in sunshine
Most members it seems of the human race

Copyright © 2016 Kim Whysall-Hammond

Re-blogged from 2016

Friday Poem: Love among the Roses

While weaving a garland
One fine day
I found that midst
The roses lay
The god of Love
I picked him up
And dipped him in
The wine-filled cup
I took and drank him;
Now he clings
Inside me, tickling
With his wings

by Julianus, Prefect of Eygpt (6th Century)

From  ‘Great Short Poems’, Ed. Dorothy Pollack, Dover Books.

Merry Christmas Everybody (lyrics)

The ultimate song  about a British Christmas:

 

 

Are you hanging up a stocking on your wall?
It’s the time that every Santa has a ball
Does he ride a red nosed reindeer?
Does a ton-up on his sleigh?
Do the fairies keep him sober for a day?

So here it is Merry Christmas
Everybody’s having fun
Look to the future now
It’s only just begun.

Are you waiting for the family to arrive?
Are you sure you got the room to spare inside?
Does your granny always tell ya
That the old songs are the best
Then she’s up and rock and rollin’ with the rest?

So here it is Merry Christmas
Everybody’s having fun
Look to the future now
It’s only just begun.

What will your daddy do when he sees
Your mama kissin’ Santa Claus
Ah ah

Are you hanging up a stocking on your wall?
Are you hoping that the snow will start to fall
Do you ride on down the hillside
In a buggy you have made?
When you land upon your head
Then you bin slayed.

So here it is Merry Christmas
Everybody’s having fun
Look to the future now
It’s only just begun.

 

IT’S CHRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITSMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS!!!!!!!
With love to Noddy Holder and Slade, for my favourite Christmas song (although for my sons, The Beach Boys Christmas Album reigns supreme, and we always play it when decorating the tree).