Soft as a blown rose, a tiny killer seeps into your everything even white bone. Sharp receptors grip like crampons as it climbs down the chimney of your throat to the soft hinterland of your lungs ripe meadows about to be trashed. Once base camp is set up it storms your defences you die hard and slow fighting for every breath.
Starlorn: a sense of loneliness looking up at the night sky, feeling like a castaway in the middle of the ocean, whose currents are steadily carrying off all other castaways.
Aftergloom: the pang of loneliness you feel the day after an intensely social event, as the glow of voices and laughter fades into a somber quiet.
Craxis: the unease of knowing how quickly your circumstances could change on you- that no matter how carefully you shape your life into what you want it to be, the whole thing could be overturned in an instant.
It was too quiet in those weeks no cars rumbling past no children singing their way to school. The fresh smells and colours of Spring reclaimed streets and towns birds popped into view, posed on lampposts dawdled on warm car roofs sauntered across unbusy roads.
Fear has a taste and it is this the dread of an invisible invader the unwelcome peace of a street.
It was almost a living thing, large and smothering that pinned us down and which seems to have shed hairs everywhere, I’m still finding them, clearing them away.
Days melted into each other alone in this vessel of a house plunging deep depths of fears and anxieties climbing swallowing waves to see clear skies. Gradually ending more and more days with a muttered “That was a good one, wasn’t it?”.
Absorbing ourselves in the minutia of gardening seedlings as companions, hope for some future and canny planning for food supplies. A returning shopper asked what is it like out there as they washed clothes, hair and body and we wiped clean all they had brought back. No eggs this time.
Remembering the first UK Lockdown, in March 2020, an unsettling frightening time.
We are not out of the woods yet. This past week we have been isolating with a sick adult son who was in contact with a confirmed Covid case. We are waiting for test results, but the labs are slow due to 1.6 million poeple isolating this week and getting tested!
At least in full lockdown we were allowed to leave the house for exercise — I’m feeling very confined.
Fret not too much — so far, the effects are light.